advice?

[alex.detmar]

Hi to all! I am brand new to travelpunk, still trying to figure it out :D

I am looking for advice from people who travelled between the ages of 16-18 but had to deal with overprotective parents.

I hosted an exchange student from Montabaur, Germany this year, and then fell in love with a boy from Neumarkt in der Operpfalz, Germany. I am very much welcomed by both of their families to stay and visit next summer. it would be nice to meet my exchange student, Rebecca, again, as well as the rest of the germans that came to my high school for a few weeks. i got along with rebecca and she was a "delight to host", said my dad.
I had a beautiful and meaningful relationship with Christoph from Bavaria in the six months he was here. We fell in love quickly and had a very serious relationship which we ended when he flew back to Bavaria three days ago. Although we both agreed to live our own lives, we remain very much in love at the moment, and the thought of seeing eachother next summer keeps us cheerful.
Both his family and rebeccas have said they will do anything for me (pick me up from the airport, give me my own room, take me on trips and treat me as their own) and hope to see me soon. Money is not an issue for my family. I do not speak German, but Rebecca and her family speak fair english while Christoph speaks perfect english and his family is somewhat fluent. The main issue is that my parents are overprotective. I am seeking advice on how to get them to say "yes" to letting me travel to Germany next summer, as it is VERY important to me.

help?

Alex

[stewy88]

When I was 17-18 I went Interrailing around Europe. Seeing as I did this by myself, and the fact my mum is a single parent, she was obviously reluctant to let me do it. At the beginning she would try and put obstacles in the way or simply refuse to directly talk about the idea.

Eventually she came around to the idea and decided to support the trip. I reckon the way to win them over is by somehow showing to them how much it means to you. Once I had everything planned on paper, with dates, information, hostels, maps etc, my Mum realised how important it was to me. Obviously not the same, although I reckon once parents see that it makes you happy, they will agree.

I also did an exchange program in Germany, a town called Ansbach actually when I was at school. Try getting your hosts to contact your parents, persuasion in numbers

Hope it helps a bit.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Alex,

I have a suggestion for you. If you don't have one already - get a job. Your parents will probably take you much more seriously if they see you committed to the trip - working and saving your money. You will be seen as more mature. My parents did not want me to go to Europe at 18 but in the end they couldn't really say anything since I had worked and saved my own money.

Also I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. I am in the same situation as you. I am going to visit my love in December in Dublin. But a lot of things can happen in hours, days, weeks or even a whole year. Hopefully everyone will live happily ever after. But just be cautious.

[Canadian Bacon]

Hmmm that's a tough one, and since you're a girl and young, that probably doesn't help.

I think the best thing for you to do is to wear your parents down. A ultimatum to your parents won't work... your best bet is to talk about the guy you want to visit all the time until they simply see that he is a normal person, and you really have your heart set on it. AND if you can get him to Texas on a short term visit, even better - it shows commitment.

Good luck!
CB

[expatben]

Maybe you could ask your parents exactly what it is that is bothering them and then calm them down. When I wanted to do my first solo trip my Mom wrote down a bunch of worries she had and I answered them all, it showed that I was committed but also that I have thought this through.

[alex.detmar]

stewy 88 - thats exactly what my mom is doing! i keep trying to move things along, but she feels like a year is a long time away so there is no need to start "worrying" yet.. of course, she wont realize how important it is to me. when i try to tell her, she thinks that i am unhealthily obsessed with going to germany just to see this "boy" that i "like"


lizz- i already have a job and have started saving :D

Canadian Bacon - the thing is that my parents already know Christoph. I was with him for every available evening for four months. I tried to get them comfortable with eachother, but it didnt happen too much. they know that he cares for me very much,and that I want very much to travel to germany next summer, but I kind of think that they have forgotten what life is about.. they dont see my opportunity! they dont really believe that I love this boy, they dont see the potential for me to explore a beautiful place and learn more things than i could ever imagine i could in one month, while in a safe environment. they are overwhelmed by the idea of Europe, the idea of having no control over me, my actions, travels, sex life, bedtime, ideas, etc.

expatben- thanks alot for that idea! it seems to be a good one for me since i have trouble communicating with my parents. i cant be completely honest or open with my mom because she always gets very uncomfortable, especially when the subject is sex, and i tend to choke up when i cant put my thoughts into the right words. maybe writing emails or notes would help both of us. i have definitely thought my trip through, and i hope my parents can see that..

[astro25e]

I think there are two ways to go about it: Being a complete bitch and ignoring everything they say (that was probably how I would have done it at 17) or listening to their problems and trying to get a compromise. Maybe less emphasis on the 'love of your life' and more on your exchange friend.

I have traveled back to Europe before for a guy that I had a great summer with in the Netherlands, but when I visited again in the winter, it wasn't the same and I was disappointed. On the other hand, I gave up my job in England to be with my boyfriend in Germany for the past 5 months and I plan on being here permanently by February. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

A year is a long time, and I think your parents are just trying to protect you from yourself. Who knows, it could be true love and it could be a high school romance. Both are wonderful and can teach you things. But this is a time that you should really listen to your parents concerns, and see what you can do to make them feel more at ease. Because they are the ones who will give you emergency money when you lose your wallet, or make sure your health insurance stays valid, and would buy you a last minute ticket back home if something goes wrong. (Hell, they might be the ones who drop you off at the airport for your trip!) They certainly aren't trying to ruin your relationship, I promise!

Good luck!