where do we belong

[tecia]

I was at the bar the other nigh with some friends and the entire time I was thinking that I really don’t belong here. I love my friends so much and they are always there for me but I also want so much more. They all seem so happy with getting married, starting a new teaching job, planning there next kid… All I can think about is I can’t wait to leave and travel some more and meet more people. They don’t seem to understand when you talk about traveling so now I talk about my travels to very few people. Does anyone ever think this or is it just me?

[elfmaiden]

I do have this problem! Even asks, "So are you married yet?" I'm like hell!! I'm 23! I don't want kiddies and a minivan and a boy. I want to see the world and not have to pay rent or hydro. My friends are like "That's cool, I wish I could do that." But my family and some other friends are like "Huh? Canada rocks!" Urgh.

Oh well. C'est la vie!!

Jenn

[Sijuki]

I think this stuff all the time... but I want the girl, just the girl that is like-minded. Deep down I know Dearborn is not my final resting place.

[tecia]

Tons of people i talk to say " I would love to do that but..."
Yes i would love to have kids some day. However, when i'm ready for them all my friends kids are going to be in Highschool

[TimmyJames1976]

I think many feel that way. My "home town" friends do not lead the life I think I could. I can't never leave the town I grew up in. It is kind of strange to me not to. I also get bored very easily, and most of them are content going to the same over priced uninteresting bar every weekend. They never do anything different and frankly that scares me. I know a guy who is pretty up on himself for moving out and ends up living 2 minutes from his family hoem, which to me is odd. I don't know. I think some people are home bodies, some are content with never trying anything new, and others are just scaed. I'm not sure what it is, but I know how you feel. It got bad when I was out with friends an d they were all talking about their jobs, which are not interesting to say the least, and I was staring off into the distance bored to death.

[Sijuki]

I am content going to the same bar... but I can be content when I find something that I really like. They got good burgers, good beer, and nice people working there. But then again it seems most bars around here kind of suck.

[TimmyJames1976]

I am the same way, except they don't go to a good bar....

[SuDz]

I get the feeling that you explained a lot. Like when I talk about traveling most people just seem either duymbfounded by the idea, like it is impossible to go outside the country or to travel around for a few weeks without everything planned out or setup already.

Never mind when I tell them what my long term goal is going to be. That one always gets a reaction of "Yeah suuuurrrreee" and gets passed off so now I mainly keep it to myself or talk about it with people that are on the same idea as me. Like people said, some people get comfortable and don't want to change that. I can't blame them though because some people the way of life where everything is planned out is needed just as bad for them as my carefree and wanting to pick up and travel is for me.

SuDZ

[afterlife3]

Material Life vs. Spiritual Life. Us=more spiritual life. Sure we'd love to have all the stuff rich people do but it wont satisfy us. There is always more for us, something more spiritual. Some people strive off of the fact that they can afford to by things, we strive off of the fact that we can do things that make us happy. Im introverted, and in a couple of years I am going to be throwing that out the door by going to school in Spain, I dont see how an introverted person could survive in a foreign country.

[GoKrazy]

Yeah - I'll admit it... I have a 9-5 job...

But it's just a means to an end. I have to support my addiction somehow - I love to travel, see new places, meet new peaole, try new things - no matter if it's backpacking in Europe, camping in northern Ontario or just day tripping in the area. My job allows me to make good money and take time off to indulge myself. Also, I am lucky enough that I am surrounded with enough people who have no problem sleeping in a tent or traveling around in seach for an adventure, so they understand me. I'm 25 right now and the way I see it I'll have plenty of time to settle down, start a family, etc... In the mean while I want to enjoy my life. But I definately know how you feel Tecia... I'd hate to regret not trying things or wasting away my youth.

[bluepea]

I think like TJ said, it has a lot to do with fear and feeling like you can't do it. Heck that was my first impression. I think especially in small towns, people just feel resigned to the same life that they're surrounded by. They are content with buying a pre fab and smacking it on a few acres of rural land and working at their unfullfilling jobs until retirement, interspersed with marriage(s) and children.

I probably would have fallen into the same mindset had my father never taken us to Europe when we were younger. That "foreign" land didn't seem so far away and hard to reach after that. Many people never get that opportunity so they don't know what they're missing.

Since then I've realized how feasbile it is do what I want to do. You take it in baby steps instead of focusing on the whole picture. I got a taste of the world and now I want to eat the whole damn thing.

I am the first of my friends to take off and move away. My best friend promises she's moving to another state this fall. I can't convince her to come visit in Europe though. None of my friends have really traveled. Vacations sure but they never really tried to make the most of it. One of my friends always talks about wanting to travel and do all this stuff but she's moved back in with her mom and is jobless with no ambitions in life.

I also don't feel like I can talk about leaving. I think it's it a bit of envy and apathy on either people's parts. I want to talk about the work exchange we're doing in Corsica or the campground I picked out in Norway or how cool N. Africa will be and everything looks at me like I'm speaking Hebrew.

I know we will get so much out of this experience, whether it lasts for five months or five years. I'll get my volvo, my huge house and my kids later in life. Sure I plan on being a yuppy in the future but I'll be a cool yuppy who'll have many stories to tell.

[Rozza]

Originally posted by afterlife3@May 2 2005, 07:37 PM
Material Life vs. Spiritual Life. Us=more spiritual life.

dont know... i'm more life... i havent ever found any enlightenment when i'm away, i'm just happier...

[tumblezweedz]

Maybe my perspective is a bit different, but then, I think I have a few more years on most everyone! When I was 22 I went on my big solo trip, and it was awesome and I loved it - wouldn't be who I am today without it, that's for sure. But you all seem to see life after marriage/with kids as the end of your adventures, and I hope I can reassure you that it isn't!

I can't imagine that anyone who checks out this site will ever marry the stay-at-home type and somehow morph into that person. If you are a traveller, explorer, nomad, whatever, you will always have that as part of your soul, and no matter what age and the realities of life bring, that won't change. Sure, you'll have different responsibilities and opportunities, but you can be an explorer wherever life happens to plunk you.

I like to tell people that when I married my husband, I promised to follow him to the ends of the earth...and he promised to take me! We've done pretty well in the nearly 11 years since, and mostly with kids in tow. We've been in horrible, po-dunk little towns, and I've explored things like the "Boron museum". An entire, tumbledown wooden shack filled with paintings of 20-mule teams drawing wagons full of borax. I assure you, high culture it aint, but there's not a lot to do in the Mojave Desert, so you have to do what you can. I've also paid my 50 cents to take my baby to the Clovis Zoo, so we could see raccoons and watch prairie dogs run around. Course, we could have seen the prairie dogs in our back yard, but at the zoo, it was an adventure. It's all about attitude. My mom has a theory that the best events are "non-events" - things that sound like they're going to be fun, and you get all excited about them and they turn out to be nothing...but you go with a friend and giggle and laugh and have a coffee afterwards and it turns into the best night out you've had in weeks.

Yes, some of your current friends will opt to stay in the life that they're in right now - and as hard as it may seem, you may find yourself drifting away from some of them. Of all the people I knew growing up, now when I go home to visit, I only see two friends. Not much for 23 years in the same house, is it? But it's enough, because those are my true friends, and they support me as much when I'm away (which is mostly) as when I am home. If I run into people I used to know, we can chat and catch up, but the bonds we had in highschool or university are history. And THAT'S OK! It's called "growing up". They're happy, and I'm happy, even though neither of us could imagine living the other person's life. God made us all different - some of us are supposed to be stable and stay where we started, and some of us are supposed to wander around finding out about all the other cool stuff that's out there.

I know people who got married straight out of school, uni, whatever, and I couldn't imagine doing that - I wasn't ready for (what I believe to be) a lifetime commitment. So I roamed, and loved it. But when I met the man I love (travelling), I realized that this was the person who could share all those adventures that I wanted to have. And so here we are, 11 years later, we've had 11 different homes, in four countries, on three continents, as well as 7 different US states, getting ready to move to still another country, and we've got four little kids, all born in different places, who have all made their first airplane trip by the time they were 4 months old, have gone to school in three different countries, speaking three different languages (with a fourth on the horizon), have travelled to over 20 countries already, and think that their lifestyle is utterly normal.

So, does that strike you as boring and settled?

[ted]

Very well said weedz, it would seem to me that those who are in constant concern of living the non materialistic life are missing the point of life. You will always find adventure on the road less traveled, but that’s not to say that you might find something unexpected right outside your door, remember spirituality and enlightenment come from within. Right now I can say screw the corporate slags at wal-mart, because I can afford to not shop at wal-mart, which may not always be the case. And if I find my self some day with a family I’m going to do what ever is necessary to provide for them. I guess what I’m try to say is that not every one can be as blessed as us in the ways of travel and culture, that does not mean that they are any less intelligent or interesting. Oh, and having money does not mean that your are with out spirituality or that your unhappy, that is entirely up to the individual not the one making stereotypes.

But to answer the question of if I feel like I belong. I can get along with anybody, any group or social setting what ever you want to call it. So of course I feel like I never belong anywhere, but how could I have no idea what I want to do with my life or where I’m going. But I’m happy and content in my own skin which is all I need in this life.

Anyway I hope that did not seem to condescending or like that new age spirituality b.s. people are always spitting out, just my humble opinion.

sing like no one is listening, laugh if it makes you laugh, and live life as if it were the most precious gift in the world, because it is! Ashes to ashes dust to dust life it to short so party we must.

[TimmyJames1976]

great points....makes me remember a cool little book

i can't remember the name but it was a little paperback that had about 100 short one page stories in it that my asain phil. prof made us get for class....all the stories were about zen...and they all went like:

so and so wanted to reach enlightenment so he meditated day in and out blah blah blah...his master came in and asked what he was doing...blah blah...student could't find enlightenment...blah....a kid came in a smacked him behind the head, and then, he was enlightened.....


they all were about if you look to hard you won't see it....some were actually funny, but i digress

[blinkchick2134]

Seems like we're all in the same little boat here. Perhaps that's why after meet-ups we all feel so shitty/lonely/heart broken/horny. The majority of the Tpunks seem to share similar traits...as mentioned above.

Personally I just try to live through the day and enjoy it. Of course it doesn't always work. I get stressed, freak out about the future, get all manic depressive and what not. But I just wait out for those little moments where everything seems right in the world. I can recall perhaps 5 of those in the past month, but their worth the wait.

If you guys have no clue what I'm talking about I'll explain. For example, on the plane back from LA yesterday I was looking out the window (yea I managed to get a window seat) and just looking at the clouds listening to DMB. It hit me. That warm fuzzy feeling where you just want to smile and you totally have no troubles in the world. Then the flight attendant disturbed me. Meh, guess I'm back to waiting. Once I move back to Delaware I'll be having lots more of those moments.

[d_fresh]

my "home" is here in newfoundland.
I married a woman who loves to travel, and we're having our first child in september....we're planning a trip to asia or africa when the kid is old enough for all their shots. we've been to europe together for a month, camp and explore every chance we get.
I own a business, she teaches english online.
you can have it both ways.
we explore every chance we get...sure it's not taking off to europe or another country but there's plenty we haven't seen right in our own province. and that's cool enough for now.

some people are happy to put down roots and never experience what the world has to offer. different strokes. it certainly doesn't mean that you're above them because you've been to rome.

[TERI]

Everyone I know says one of two things. Either wow that's awesome, wish i could... or they say that I won't do it. It's mainly my family and best friends that say i won't go. They know how shy i am and hate being alone in places. But im gonna prove them all wrong and have the dventure of my life!!!

[tumblezweedz]

Good attitude Teri, I remember the week before I left for the first time I had a total crisis and was scared to death. Fortunately, my parents were always supportive (aloud, though I later learned that my dad didn't sleep for the first two weeks, and my mom was a wreck when I didn't call for a week from Morocco) of my going and I had two friends that drove me three hours to the airport and hung out with me til the 2 am boarding time. Find those friends when you hit that point, and you'll be fine and have the best time of your life.

[bluepea]

I don't think anyone here would really consider themselves above anybody. Different planes maybe.

I come from a town so small it's unincorporated. Yet, we do have room for two bars and a strip club (ie titty bar). Most of the people think of going to Europe - or any other country for that matter as like flying to Mars. I have heard these statements so many times it's not funny "You won't stay, you'll move back to this area of WI" "I just don't understand why you wanna go so far away" "What's over there" "why would you do this" etc etc. My references were to my batch of smalltown rednecks (yet I love em all ).

For me, this isn't just about seeing different things, it's experiencing them and seeing what the world has to offer me. I mean, the town I live in now sure does have a lot of cheap liquor, but if I settle down here my liver will fail by 30.