Australian Questions...

[Ozpacka]

Have a geez at these. These questions about Australia were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism Website - Obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Seeing that they have something remotely to do with Travelling, im posting them herek, and not in the Bored section.



1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

17. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

18. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

19. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

20. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

21. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Crikey

[ChasinJason1313]

I tend to be happy about the fact that I'm American most of the time. Then I'm reminded how stupid someof us really are. Then I'm reminded of how stupid everybody is.

It's like I tell people. I was a Behavioral Science major in college. That's Psychology and Sociology mixed together.

I took Psychology to figure out why I was so screwed up.
And when I took sociology, I found out that I'm not that bad.

[LiveFreeorDie]

Man...that's great.

But really.....you can't see a Kangaroo in the street??

[The Monsignor]

seriously considering hiding my passport and using an accent.

[my retro career]

Originally posted by ozpacka@Feb 18 2005, 08:05 AM


10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

Hehe - that was the funniest...

[dino85]

there is actually a place, called safety beach, NSW. where kangaroo's are all over the roads etc. Just north of Coffs Harbour.
Were i am, i see a red bellied black snake every second day no *&^#.
There not that bad, they look at you then go the other way, where as taipans and tiger snakes go after you angry things..
oh and red back spiders arent that bad, there fatal but takes awhile..
my dad got bitten last year, decided to go to the hospital 2 days later
ended up pretty serious, but only because the hospital was doing a trial of different ways to treat it
Oh and getting bitten on the knuckle by a sydney funnel web, damn their scary things, thats wat i call a lucky day!

[Alex]

haha, some of those are great

[Rozza]

thats awesome

[bellelass]

Has anyone checked out the hippo races? Im going to be around there this winter and I like taking in local color.. And I like being naked.

[travelpunk]

And I like being naked.

I can verify that from the Vegas Meetup...

[space virgin]

As can I from a Seattle meetup.

[alexi_k]

What you fellow aussies out there don't have pet kangaroo's? How odd, mine sleeps at the end of my bed.

I'm in stitches
And the rest of the world thinks we're backwards in AUS?
Hmmmmmmmmmm
After reading those I think they all better give us a break mate!

[bellelass]

That's alright... I cant laugh too hard at those people. My best friend in london, an aussie, had me convinced for several days that in australia clothes pins are called "Chazwozzers." gah. My face is still red from buying that one...

[danny]

Don't worry i have convinced my fair share of Poms that drop bears exist out in Kakadu National park. They shit themselves and spend most of the night awake with a torch shinning it on any thing that moves.

[beergal]

Don't worry i have convinced my fair share of Poms that drop bears exist out in Kakadu National park. They shit themselves and spend most of the night awake with a torch shinning it on any thing that moves.

thats probably because we are so gullable

[MissChick]

Originally posted by LiveFreeorDie@Feb 18 2005, 05:52 AM


But really.....you can't see a Kangaroo in the street??

[snapback]45556[/snapback]

I know talk about disappointing thats exactly why I wanted to go

[Somnambulation]

Originally posted by bellelass@Sep 28 2005, 09:48 PM
That's alright... I cant laugh too hard at those people.* My best friend in london, an aussie, had me convinced for several days that in australia clothes pins are called "Chazwozzers."* gah.* My face is still red from buying that one...

[snapback]78973[/snapback]

Nah, thats the Aussie name for frogs. At least according to The Simpsons

[Rozza]

Originally posted by danny@Sep 29 2005, 11:45 AM
Don't worry i have convinced my fair share of Poms that drop bears exist out in Kakadu National park. They shit themselves and spend most of the night awake with a torch shinning it on any thing that moves.

[snapback]79030[/snapback]

i know what you mean , i've convinced my fair share of aussies that their good at rugby, they spent the whole match shitting themselves

[bellelass]

Nah, thats the Aussie name for frogs. At least according to The Simpsons

Actually, see, we were sitting around one afternoon watching that very episode and I laughed and made fun of anyone calling frogs that (seemed funny at the time) and Steve turns to me and says something like "Well actually chazwozzers are those things you use to pin up your clothes on the line," with such a sweet guileless look in his eye I couldnt help but believe it after several re-assurances. To top it off, a few of his mates heard about the joke before I did, and so went along with it. Finally I got to a pure soul who set me straight. It was all very elaborate and made me feel quite silly.

[bookofkels]

Me likes atleast i'm steet wise for when i go