Am I being really selfish?? - TravelPUNK Backpacker College Student Budget Travel Message Boards!

**travelchick75** · 04-07-2007, 07:56 PM

Hey guys, i know its been a ridonkulously long time since ive posted something but ive been working two jobs 7 days a week the past couple of months and have barely had time to sleep haha. Well i have a question and i know no one will have a better answer for me than my fellow tpunks! Ne ways as some of you might know im going backpacking in May. I was planning on going alone (and was kind of excited about it) but i asked one of my friends if he wanted to come and to my utter and complete suprise he said yes. Which dont get me wrong i was kinda stoked about it but i already had my countries picked out and whatever. So ever since than we've been fighting about where to go which i think is ridiculous, and then he pulled the whole well i thought this was supposed to be OUR trip and all you just say no to everything i wanna do blah blah blah. Well i think of it as MY trip i mean i was going first and had my plans and i just invited him along. I have actually compromised a lot of things i wanted to see to accomodate him, im just getting a little frustrated since we dont have much time. Am i being totally unreasonable??

**BelfastFlyer** · 04-07-2007, 08:04 PM

No I don't think you are, the key thing is you asked him and didn't expect him to say yes which is totally understandable, I do it all the time with people!

I think maybe going solo for part of the trip is the answer, that way you can both do what you want and meet up again afterwards and share the stories!

**travelchick75** · 04-07-2007, 08:12 PM

See i suggested that cause i think its a really good idea and im really independant like that but he is not and REFUSES to go by himself. Then he made me feel really guilty about like making memories and blah blah blah geez i dunno.......

**BelfastFlyer** · 04-07-2007, 08:16 PM

he probably just needs some confidence traveling after a week or so he will be fine!

Are you coming back to good ole norn iron by any chance?!

**travelchick75** · 04-07-2007, 08:27 PM

Uh hell ya!!! Its the country im most excited about lol Im planning on moving there in a couple of years after i finish school. We should arrange a Tpunk meet up if your not jetting off ne time soon lol

**BelfastFlyer** · 04-07-2007, 10:06 PM

good on ya girl!

well I'm in hawaii at the mo but I'm back from 23rd april and as I've used up all my time off work I won't be going anywhere anytime soon either!

**raoulduke** · 04-07-2007, 10:34 PM

You're not being selfish at all.

If he won't travel alone maybe you should tease him about needing a girl to protect him

**joe7f** · 04-07-2007, 10:43 PM

I am not sure how long you are traveling but it seems hard to believe that you all wouldn't have a long list of cities in common.

Kris is right. After he sees what hostel life is like, he can certain part ways with you for a week if you can't reach common ground.

What are all these horrible cities that he doesn't want to visit?

--Joey

**kiwichick** · 04-07-2007, 11:02 PM

i have a feeling im gonna hit a similar proplem soon! at this stage my friend doesn't have his ticket and ive been planning for ages so kinda hoping that'l help swing things my way, although im quite open to change and so is he. I dont think ya being selfish, but..whats wrong with where hes suggesting? make sure you're open to new ideas it might just become the favourite part of ur trip! goodluck with working things through

**freespiritz** · 04-07-2007, 11:29 PM

Do NOT let him guilt-trip you into anything!

I don't think you're being selfish for planning to travel in the way that you think will allow you to get the most out of your trip! Traveling with someone else is always going to involve compromise though. I always try to lay out my expectations for the trip beforehand and tell people how I roll so they can deal with it or leave it.

There are actually very few people that I can travel with and get the full experience that I hope for. Hopefully you two can both be flexible and work something out. What exactly are you guys arguing over? Try to get things sorted, because it will spill over into when you're on the road - things like where to eat, etc.

Otherwise, I advocate the splitting up for a bit...he needs to toughen up a little and learn to love the road on his own!

**buzzingtalk** · 04-09-2007, 01:55 AM

well say to him you planned the trip before you asked him then did so on the spur of the moment, if you had a plan and what to do it then do it with or without him, after all your the one who works damn hard to pay to get away so why let it be a second class trip?

**indierock05** · 04-09-2007, 09:40 AM

I've done both, backpack with two people and stay together and backpack with two people and meet back up. The meeting back up always works because you dont want this person to smother you. If it is a he, don't sleep with him and you two hopefully aren't dating pre trip. I did that once and that is the fastest way to end a relationship.

Good luck, you are not being selfish and if they keep being an ass, uninvite

**Fedfe** · 04-09-2007, 11:21 AM

I wouldnt say you were being selfish, i mean you are going on this trip for YOU not for someone else. If you're going to fork over thousands of dollars you want it to be towards something you want to do.. if you differ on want or desire to go some place, split up for a week and then rendezvous in the following city or something!

**Canadian Bacon** · 04-09-2007, 12:13 PM

I think its your trip.... but can't you girls go together, and split off during parts of the trip and meet back up again?

It's only fair... and it IS your trip.

It's always akward telling your friends that you want to go alone and not with them... I think I have some friends who want to come with me this summer, but I didn't ask them, cuz I didn't want it to be akward like that....

**Canadian Bacon** · 04-09-2007, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelchick75

See i suggested that cause i think its a really good idea and im really independant like that but he is not and REFUSES to go by himself. Then he made me feel really guilty about like making memories and blah blah blah geez i dunno.......

... and tell him to stop being such a girly-mon

**patchouli Lover** · 04-09-2007, 01:17 PM

You're not being selffish, but when you asked him did you tel him you had already planned the trip to your satisfaction and that you had intentions of only compromising on a few aspects?? If so then he should have known where and what you had planned, and really can't complain. But if not then you might be stuck compromising a lot.

I agree with freespiritz, lay out your expectations now (if you haven't already) and tell him how you feel. Maybe you can get him on here or get him some books about traveling alone so he won't see that it is a bad thing. A lot of people I know seem to think it is a unthinkable thing they could never accomplish. And while it is scary, I think it is a self discovery, out of comfort experience. (One that I can't wait to have)

I would tell him that it is your trip. Apologize if you didn't make that clear when you invited him and say that you need to spend some time on your own. If he can't compromise on that, well maybe you should suggest that he pulls out. And maybe to ease his mind you could make it so that your times traveling alone are in small increments spaced out with time traveling with each other. That way your not throwing a huge chunk or alone time at him. Maybe a few days/weeks of traveling by yourself then meet up for a few weeks, then back to traveling alone. (I guess that would depend on your itinerary)

I know I have somewhat of the same situation this summer. But I've talked to my travel partner and we are both very independent people. It's all about communication. We've made the agreement that if one starts to feel smothered or needs their alone time, the other won't feel offended. We plan to spend a month together before going off our seperate ways. I definitely want to travel by myself and I have a different agenda than him so this works out great.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

Echeverry · 04-09-2007, 07:02 PM

Kill him! No that's not the solution.... Kill him in some other country and blame some one else! (Stop it voices stop) Okie now being totally serious tell him how it is dude, be straight with whomever he is tell him you don't think this might work out and that the best thing you guys could do is just meet-up in one of the mutual countries. Relax I believe you asked him cause you know him enough and have the enough respect towards him and yourself to be able and not ruin your trip.

But you can always feed him to the wild hogs.... I'm just saying. Suerte!

soph1886 · 04-10-2007, 05:19 PM

this is all making me feel better about embarking solo travelling this year. last time i went travelling my (now ex-)boyfriend and i were arguing a lot, and you lose that easy dynamic. i spent less time at things i would've liked to have lingered at, and even if you get your way and go somewhere you want and they don't, you can't really enjoy it cos you know it's against their will. now i'm doing a lot of travelling this year on my own and i'm pumped about the freedom.

why don't you just start off together, do some bonding etc. and then go your own separate ways and then meet up again at the end or wherever you cross paths? try not to over-plan cos you end up clashing horns.

**BigE** · 04-10-2007, 06:25 PM

It is so much easier to go alone. But there may be a time when you are lucky and find someone who wants to go to the same place.

**Brookers13** · 04-10-2007, 06:47 PM

i dont think its selfish to want to go alone and see your own things, but you did ask him...so in that way, i guess you would be expected to compromise some...if he had just invited himself or something, i would say no way dont compromise...but if you really didnt want him to go, you shouldnt have asked...regardless of what you thought his response would be...sorry for disagreeing with everyone!