The Travel Effect and how to cope.

[TheJake]

Ok Kids,
Maybe I am being spacey or just finally lost my marbles but I am going to lay down what I think and see if it tracks with any of you.

When I first started traveling my friends would send me emails or leave comments on my website along the lines of "where are you and when are you coming back?" or "hey when you are done 'finding yourself' give me a call." Eventually as my number of trips progressed and they realized that it wasn't just a one-time fling the comments and emails died out. I think they started to realize that the jake they knew wasn't coming back from wherever it was he went. They never really much cared about the destinations or the people or the stories. It's been four years now of essentially living out of a backpack most of the time and I can hardly recall what the common definition of a 'normal' life is. I was recently browsing a friends myspace and saw the comments that had been left there were the ones I was all to familiar with, "give me a shout when you're done being wherever you are."

Now is it just me or do comments like that do nothing but separate the gap between the poster and the traveler? I have a few friends here in Arizona but I feel like my emotional connections with them are very shallow. When I crash in a youth hostel or go to a meetup I feel most comfortable and those are the times I feel surrounded by friends.

I realized driving home today that since I joined this site two and a half years ago traveling has gone from a hobby to a way of life. I travel to keep sane and to continue to dis spell ignorance from myself. I travel to learn and grow and adapt. I travel to meet friends and strengthen old ones. All of these reasons and more I can never seem to convey to someone who travels for a quick pleasure.

So anyway to bring it all around. Who here ever feels like they aren't being understood or have few friends who know what a vagabond really is?

Anyone else out there? And how do you cope?

[BigE]

I suppose I am where you were in the begining of your "new" life. Time will tell if I keep this going. When I told my family and friends that I am going to backpack Scandinavia, they all looked at me as if I was speaking gibberish. The ones who didn't was my step-grandmother and my dad, who both see my grandfather in me. I guess they both kind of expected I would eventually say, "screw everything, I am goning to go where I want to go." My dad knows I need to get out and explore before I end up going insane. There is nothing insane about traveling and wanting to see the world. I think it is part of the make-up of who we are. In the very essence of some of us, we are travelers.

I don't have to worry about losing my friends because I lost almost all of my friends from growing up because of the life I have already chosen to live. Even if I were to leave this life I am living, I don't expect them to be friends with me again. Loyalty is very important to me. It is very hard to find loyal friends. Friendships can often times be very shallow.

[raoulduke]

With nothing deep and meaningful to say, I'll just say this:

You two are both in my cool book. Right On

[marc873]

Yeah, there are few people in my life that really grasp the idea and passion of traveling the way I do. My parents get it, but can't stop being scared that one day I won't come back. Of course I always tell them I want to live somewhere international. Others, co-workers neighbors, seem to just have no clue as to the magnitude of how traveling will change you and your outlook on life. Its funny that of course the people in my life that get it the most, are friends that are from Greece and Austria.
So the ones that urk me the most are the ones that when I tell them we are going backpacking through europe either say: "I'm not into nature, and wouldn't want to sleep outside, and the others are the ones who say, is there a lot of climbing and outdoors stuff in Europe of something". In my head, when I heard the term backpacker (in europe terms), I always thought of someone like all of us. So I am always perplexed when people have zero clue as to what I'm getting at when I say I'm going backpacking in Europe. They REALLY annoy me.
So I've been going on and on, but this lifestyle is my passion and I don't ever see it changing. I have been doing it for sooo long now, and I'm very lucky in the fact that my wife is as obsessed with traveling the planet as I am. I hope it never changes. I just wish I could strap the pack on and go for 2-3 years straight. Anyone got an Amex. I can borrow

[LiveFreeorDie]

This is an oversimplification, but I think there are basically two types of people in this world. Those who continually push themselves and are explorers. They feel the need to see what's out there and don't mind making changes to their lives, or living in a continual state of change is what they need to stay happy and feel like they are living. Other people tend to crave routine and a sense of being settled, that is what makes them happy. I think people in the explorer group have a real hard time understanding people in the settled group, and vice versa. I also think that explorers can sometimes be pulled into the settled group either by peer pressure or life choices or circumstances, but that they will never be truly happy unless they address the restless aspect of themselves. Anyway, that is my grammar school level of pyscho analysis of people who travel and move around and people who don't. That is what makes Tpunk such a great site in my opinion...it provides an outlet for the explorers who feel surrounded by the settled people at home who just don't understand and allows like minded people to meet up with each other and make new friends.

Anyway, I am going through a bit of that myself right now. My closest friends are married. My other single friends I would consider more shallow relationships. These friends are also in the settled category. They live in the same town they grew up in and never plan to leave. This, in spite of the fact that they are single and that the town isn't exactly a single person's dream location. For me, I get bored with things after awhile and the thought of committing myself to this town forever is much, much scarier and depressing than moving around a bit to see something new. The last few years I have been able to travel extensively for work, so with that, addition to my vacation travels, it has worked out well and I have been content with this place as my home base. Now, my job may be coming to an end, so I am plotting my next move later this year. Perhaps I will move and work over in Asia, or if things don't quite work out there, maybe to work over on the west coast of the U.S. which would still be a big change for me. So, while a bit of a different situation from Jake, it is certainly one I can understand and identify with and these are issues that we will likely struggle with for a long time. Good discussion!

[MeTurk]

I never really experienced that, I wasn't heading off on any great trip or anything only 2 months. Maybe Irish people are just used to saying goodbye to their friends and realitives. My father said it would be great for me to "get it out of my system" but he always wanted me to come home and get a job. He left home and went to Australia when he was young but allot of Irish people did the same. Even now there's a load of my friends planning to head off to Australia to pick up all these extra jobs that are being advertised in the media.

[LiveFreeorDie]

^That's an intersting point. I think it gets back to how American culture has evolved to the point where travel, particularly overseas travel, is not really encouraged. There is sort of a social undercurrent of expectations towards staying home, getting a job, getting married, have kids. If you need to deviate from this plan, something must be wrong with you. I think it's reinforced in the media which loves to make the rest of the world appear to be this crazy place where if you venture off you will be killed...either by a terrorist, bird flu, SARS, Tsunamis, Typhoons or perhaps a wrathful god. The other part of it is that the country is quite big and many people just think there is enough here to keep them occupied.

This is of course a generalization and there are, as demonstrated by this site, many, many Americans who get out and explore and travel, but I would consider them to be a minority, unfortunately. There is not a big cultural phenomenon like what exists in UK, Australia, etc. which seems to encourage people to move overseas, take a gap year off to travel, work overseas etc. It is just non-existent here to our detriment.

[SuDz]

The disconnect is the same that happens anytime people are not around each other for a while. Your still "friends" but not in the sence you once were. You get used to them not being there and you start doing new stuff or you meet new people. They probably feel the same sort of disconnect as you have felt, just on the opposite side. It is the same as kids your friends with in High School. Where are they now? Some you might still be friends with sure, but what about all those kids you used to hang out with that are just kind of gone someplace? You don't really think about it or worry about it, but if you see them on the street you just talk a bit and say "I ran into an old friend today..." when telling someone. Its just that time apart makes people grow apart.

SuDZ

[BigE]

LiveFreeorDie - it is true. Only about 15 or 20% of Americans own a passport.

SuDz - that is also true. We occassionally need a wise man like yourself to tell us why things are the way they are. It was hard for me because I was not a part of the world for so long and when I returned, I found so many things have changed and wondered if I have had the opportunity to change and grow. Nice response. Thanks!

[lauren313]

Not sure this is connected, but with the exception of my closest friend, my other bastard friends, over the course of 3 months of me travelling, emailed me a total of 4 times between them. Isn't that pathetic? And it's not as if I wasn't emailing them or anything! I always made sure I sent them a message every few weeks. The bastards.

[Delaney]

My dad always says that if you aren't careful, your life will follow the path of least resistance.

I think that is very true here in the States. The assumed way of life is go to school, get a job, settle down. Although it may be easier, it won't necessarily make you happy. It also won't push you to learn more about yourself and your surroundings.

Cheers to those of us who forgo (sp?) the "prestigious" job and all the material things to travel, learn other cultures and get out of our comfort zone. I often have people tell me that quitting my job to travel is a bad idea and that I am not "furthering" myself by taking my college-educated self and working at a golf course. But I can tell you right now I will learn a lot more getting out of my cubicle and hometown than they are. Even if their paycheck is bigger.

[TheJake]

I guess it boils down to priorities. Some people find that college and uni is the only way to better themselves. Most of the people I know are just trying to get by. I never want to be like that.

[freespiritz]

If you travel and your social circle does not, I think it will definitely cause you to grow apart one way or another. Traveling changes a person so much - not only do you see and experience such different and amazing foreign cultures, but even more importantly, it changes how you see the familiarities of home. Travel has the potential to make you an alien in the places where you should rightly be most at ease, but that is precisely what I want to happen when I go traveling - coming back to a place and seeing it through new eyes with deeper understanding. Sadly, this can also end up creating barriers between friends as your worldviews become increasingly different.

I think it's the same everywhere. My parents have accepted that "there's no stopping me". Social circles change and drift, but as always, I think true friends will stand the test of time, and they're the ones that matter. My group of friends is scattered all over the world, but there are those few who share my dreams and would take me in with open arms if I showed up randomly in the middle of the night...I treasure those few.

For now, all I hope for is to share my travel experiences with my wider social circle and somehow hope to impart to them a little of the beauty of my experiences, whether through writing, photos or conversation. You never know, it may just spark off the same desire in one of them.

[indierock05]

Wow, great topic. I completely agree with Jake. It sucks, but unfortunately, that is the life we all chose. As for me, I am trying to plan my next big adventure right out of college. Here, my friends are closer than my family and it makes me sad to leave them but I know when I come back here, they will be here for me. That's the only way I can cope with it. I also try and call people when I am on the road for a quick hello, just so I can see what is happening in their life and they know, that even though I am away, I am still thinking of them. The main point is, that it is scary and exciting to go to the unfamiliar.

[mermaidnz]

i havent really travelled per se, i tend to move countries for a year or so at a time, and live there till i get bored.

i do notice the lack of friendships with my old mates, ill email every few weeks with updates and to see how they all are, and i probably get a reply once every few months. its crap, but i guess everyone has their own lifes in their respected countries, i guess they dopnt al have time to sit online like me hah

i still know who my true friends are, even if life gets in the way and we havent spoken for a few months. hell, why else would i pay 430grand for a trip of a lifetime with a friend i havent seen since like, forever?!

anyone who just doesnt put in the effort to email every now and then, isnt worth the bother i think.

maybe its jelousy? id be jelous if my friends were galavanting all over the world in an awesome life. and i was stuck working 9-5 in some backwater town! lol then again, its not too hard for them to make an effort and leave too.

[joe7f]

I have typically found the opposite reaction. Most of my friends are happy for me, want to do it themselves, etc.

This sounds kind of funny but I think for a lot of people the idea of traveling outside the US is odd. People tend to assume it is more difficult and more expensive than it is. A guy at work priced out a 12 day trip to London-Paris-Rome for 6k for his wife and him. For 3 months, I backpacked, lived with a family, in a shared flat, and attended a school for much less than that.

This lit a small fire under me...

1.) Travel now while I am young and unattached
2.) Traveling is incredible contagious

--Joey

[TheJake]

6k for 12 days is inane man...

But yeah. I feel ya all.

[omisan]

It's like crack addiction. You're always chasing that high.

Not that I'd know anything about that...

[BelfastFlyer]

it's a simple choice for me either I go travelling or I deal with all the glorious office politics I fight each day I'm at work...!

[NYCHouseGirl]

my family is awesome. both my parents travel together about 4-6 times a year...we are very fortunate to have the experiences and resources to allow this.
last year i made the leap and took my first trip alone and it has changed my life in ways i was never prepared for. now i have the travel bug and i'm antsy to see it all.
when i came back from italy, i had a weird disconnect from my boyfriend. he's a seasoned traveler and was so supportive of my going and knew it was something i needed to do for myself. however, i came back and felt i could not find words to communicate with him the things i have seen and felt. i have not really shared my pictures, nor have i talked about the whole experience with anyone. when i was in rome one day waiting for a train, i saw a couple sitting next to me, both writting in their journals. it hit me, how does this work? how is their time away effecting them as people?
this summer will be the first time i travel with a partner...
we are going to europe for 3 1/2 weeks and we both know it's going to change our live again.
i guess i go one step further to ask, how do you cope with traveling with a lover? what happens when you have the same life changing experiences right along side your partner?
i guess these are things you don't really think about when you're going through all the excitment and planning.

just some food for thought...