Trying to write a "personal statement"

[lauren313]

Aaaahhh, I'm feeling stressed!

I'm applying to go back to univeristy to do a course in mental health nursing (I've just finished a degree in psychology, I shall forever be a student, it seems), and my bloody "personal statement" is driving me nuts!

I find it so hard to make myself sound really good, without sounding big headed. And now I've run out of things to write!

Thing is, I've not had any relevant work experience, so I can't write anything about that. I've mentioned volunteer work I have done, and said that having already gained a degree, I feel confident in my ability, etc. I've said I'm open and approachable, evidenced by the fact that I was secretary of a big society on campus. I've said why I want to do nursing, rather than pursue some other psychology related profession.

Can anyone think of any other characteristics or traits that might be attractive to the admissions people? And how can I say them without sounding conceited?!

Heeeeellllllp!

[jaboba46]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(lauren313 @ Sep 1 2006, 04:43 PM) [snapback]137949[/snapback]</div>

Aaaahhh, I'm feeling stressed!

I'm applying to go back to univeristy to do a course in mental health nursing (I've just finished a degree in psychology, I shall forever be a student, it seems), and my bloody "personal statement" is driving me nuts!

I find it so hard to make myself sound really good, without sounding big headed. And now I've run out of things to write!

Thing is, I've not had any relevant work experience, so I can't write anything about that. I've mentioned volunteer work I have done, and said that having already gained a degree, I feel confident in my ability, etc. I've said I'm open and approachable, evidenced by the fact that I was secretary of a big society on campus. I've said why I want to do nursing, rather than pursue some other psychology related profession.

Can anyone think of any other characteristics or traits that might be attractive to the admissions people? And how can I say them without sounding conceited?!

Heeeeellllllp!
[/b]

write aboutplaces you've been and seen and how they have made you want to go for the whole nursing thing rather then some other psychology. write about how you feel that you maybe able to help more people because you've travelled and seen things some haven't. i just got done writing a two page personal statement about two months ago.

[Jen05]

I don't think you need to worry about sounding conceited. After all, it's a personal statement so they want you to talk about yourself and how great you are!

[argylecat26]

I totally feel you on the pain of personal statements. I would agree with the idea to talk about travel and how its affected your perception of the field youre interested in (if at all), or at least hows its altered your perception of the world at large. If nothing else, it would make you seem like a more interesting candidate if I was the person reviewing applications.
Best of luck.
Cheers to lifelong students.

[LiveFreeorDie]

I would recommed going into depth about your experience being secretary of a lagre society and also your volunteer work. What did you do in each capacity? What were some experiences you had that helped you grow as a person and prepare you more for life after college....or prepare you for advanced studies? I think if you really try to focus on things that have helped you to grow at a personal level, you will be fine. Try discussing specific situations that you faced that were very challenging and for which you overcame some adversity to succesfully complete a task - explain how that helped prepare you for being a nurse/nursing student. Other good things to write about are people such as professors or other types of mentors that also challeneged you and your view of the world and had an impact on your life? Good luck!!

[lauren313]

Thanks to everyone's input so far.

I have done 450 words of a maximum 600, so I'm not far off. I still feel there is more to write though...

Perhaps someone wouldn't mind if I sent them what I've done so far in a PM, and maybe you could comment on it? Let me know!

Cheers guys and girls.

[kingcrazylegs]

Well everyone has said everything, so good luck!

[raoulduke]

Hey Lauren,

I'll take a look at it for you.

I'll PM you my e-mail address.

[Rincewind's acquaintance]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(lauren313 @ Sep 1 2006, 11:43 PM) [snapback]137949[/snapback]</div>

Aaaahhh, I'm feeling stressed!

I'm applying to go back to univeristy to do a course in mental health nursing (I've just finished a degree in psychology, I shall forever be a student, it seems), and my bloody "personal statement" is driving me nuts!

I find it so hard to make myself sound really good, without sounding big headed. And now I've run out of things to write!

Thing is, I've not had any relevant work experience, so I can't write anything about that. I've mentioned volunteer work I have done, and said that having already gained a degree, I feel confident in my ability, etc. I've said I'm open and approachable, evidenced by the fact that I was secretary of a big society on campus. I've said why I want to do nursing, rather than pursue some other psychology related profession.

Can anyone think of any other characteristics or traits that might be attractive to the admissions people? And how can I say them without sounding conceited?!

Heeeeellllllp!
[/b]

I agree with the others - focus on the fact that you have travelled - i.e. you're curious about people and good at working with them. And I would focus on explaining what I feel I could learn in that area and what I felt I had learnt from the psychology area that made me want to apply for this area now. And don't worry about sounding conceited, don't think that will happen! Focus on the fact that the secretary job made you capable of juggling many facts, people and assignments much in the way you need to when you work in a nursing-type job...In short, I think the others have said the rest - keep up the good work and good luck!

[DJ_VeeeNoM]

B.S! Humbag! Bullocks!
Cliche as Fing Hell!
What the hell are you guys thinking????
Come oon, is it like this iit's always gonna be?

Dude Listen I might be a bit nuts or a bit out of it, but atleast I'm sane enough to comprehend that the entire travel to see places thing won't help you that much.

Okie what to do say stuff that are not lies but are not really totally true as in. . . Well you have travelled to meet different people and study them in diff scenerios. Belive it or not if you stick to the entire music/religion point it is amazing all the doors it will open. So if you use the travel card you better add it was to study and try to understand people. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. . . You can send your favorite pimp to beat the living crap out of the dean or board of approval! Well Laura, E-mail me if you really need help I might joke alot around here but when it comes down to it I'm pretty handy with school stuff and papers. PM me or Court We'll give you my mail if you want it. Godspeed and suerte con todol.

[lauren313]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(DJ_VeeeNoM @ Sep 7 2006, 09:06 PM) [snapback]138789[/snapback]</div>

Dude Listen I might be a bit nuts or a bit out of it, but atleast I'm sane enough to comprehend that the entire travel to see places thing won't help you that much.

[/b]

Ok, you know how much I'm going to hate this, but I kind of agree with you! (I had a thought, by the way, if I'm not allowed to call you you-know-what, can I maybe call you Manny?! It came to me the other evening).

Anyway, yeah, the thing is, the travelling I have done has been nothing special as of yet, and I really can't relate it in any way to the course I want to do. So, I've left it out.

Anyway, this is what I've come up with, with some very kind help from Raoulduke (thank you so much again!).

"Having completed a degree in psychology, I have come to realise that the treatment options for mental illness are vast and varied. While I could have chosen to study for a Masters degree or PhD in a specialist area of psychology, I feel compelled to pursue a career in which I will be able to provide not only the emotional care required by patients with mental illness, but also the physical care that is often needed. It is for this reason I have chosen to pursue a career in mental health nursing.

I have always thought of myself as an open, approachable, and confident person, and believe that others see me in the same way. For two years while studying at university, I was part of the Rutherford Junior College Committee (JCC), which was a large group of students who met to discuss issues relating to education and student welfare, as well as organising large events and sporting opportunities for all students. During 2005-2006 I was the JCC secretary, which involved committing 3-4 hours each week to take the minutes at meetings, distribute the minutes to JCC members, and also hold an office hour, during which students could meet with me to discuss ideas for future events.

I am extremely committed to the welfare of others, and demonstrated this by volunteering my services during Fresher’s Week 2004 and 2005. In each week I volunteered for well over 50 hours, and spent a lot of time talking with new students and helping them to settle in, as well as encouraging them to take part in the events the JCC had organised for them.

Volunteer work has been important to me for many years, starting from when I first worked in an Oxfam shop for part of my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh Award. Since then, I have been involved in many types of volunteer work, ranging from collecting clothing for the Salvation Army, to helping organise and take part in events to raise money for various charities. At university, I was a member of the Dance Society, and last year, I was involved in a charity event called Strictly Kent Dancing. The event, which involved teaching different societies dances to perform to an audience, raised a large sum of money for local charities.

Although I have not yet had any experience in a health or care setting, I look forward to acquiring new knowledge, skills, and experience through paid, or unpaid, work experience in the near future. Choosing as challenging a career as mental health nursing, it is important to me to equip myself with as much relevant experience as possible.

Over the last 5 years, I have been employed in a number of roles, in a wide range of industries, including local government, police support, retail, and finance. Each of these positions has provided me with new skills that I will be able to apply to a university course. I have learnt the importance of confidentiality, the ability to diffuse tense situations, and the value of remaining positive and friendly at all times.

I believe that I am an ideal candidate for a diploma in mental health nursing. Once involved in something, whether it is education or some other interest, I am dedicated and work my hardest at all times. To me, gaining a 2:1 degree was a great achievement, and having attained this, I feel confident in my ability to perform well on a diploma course.

If I were to earn a place at your university, I would be a committed, motivated, and conscientious student, who will strive to do well in all areas of the course."

[The Monsignor]

Good statement...

I'd make some minor changes:

- Tell them what degree in Psychology you have (BA, BS etc)
- Don't change tenses in the middle of a sentence ("While I could have... I feel..." should be "I felt" etc.)
- get rid of the "i've always thought of myself as..." in favor of "I am..." (more assertive and confident)
- lose "in a wide range of industries", it doesn't add anything to the sentence and makes it awkward.
- "Gaining a 2:1 degree..." I'm not sure what that is, but it might not be a common term - (might want to expand on that and explain what it consists of)


Great job, though... I'm certain you'll do well!

[lauren313]

Thanks for that. Good point about the degree type. A "2:1" is a degree classification. It's a common term over here, it's the way all degrees are marked. It's like saying you got a "B" grade, basically.

I'm RUBBISH with tenses! I tried so hard, but I knew I was messing it up!

And yeah, I need to be more assertive, that's the other thing I found really hard!

[LiveFreeorDie]

I have always thought of myself as an open, approachable, and confident person, and believe that others see me in the same way. For two years while studying at university, I was part of the Rutherford Junior College Committee (JCC), which was a large group of students who met to discuss issues relating to education and student welfare, as well as organising large events and sporting opportunities for all students. During 2005-2006 I was the JCC secretary, which involved committing 3-4 hours each week to take the minutes at meetings, distribute the minutes to JCC members, and also hold an office hour, during which students could meet with me to discuss ideas for future events.[/b]

The above paragraph states what you did, but you do not really provide an explanation as to how or why this experience is important to your application. Could you add some verbage to discuss how this experience provided you with certain specific skills or experience to draw on in your later studies?

[lauren313]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(LiveFreeorDie @ Sep 8 2006, 05:39 PM) [snapback]138940[/snapback]</div>

The above paragraph states what you did, but you do not really provide an explanation as to how or why this experience is important to your application. Could you add some verbage to discuss how this experience provided you with certain specific skills or experience to draw on in your later studies?
[/b]

Hmm, how about something like (new bits in bold):

I am an open, approachable, and confident person, and believe that others see me in the same way. For two years while studying at university, I was part of the Rutherford Junior College Committee (JCC), which was a large group of students who met to discuss issues relating to education and student welfare, as well as organising large events and sporting opportunities for all students. This often required using my initiative, and also a great amount of imagination at times. I became able to work successfully as part of a team, developing simple ideas into extremely successful events. During 2005-2006 I was the JCC secretary, which involved committing 3-4 hours each week to take the minutes at meetings, distribute the minutes to JCC members, and also hold an office hour, during which students could meet with me to discuss ideas for future events. Holding an important position within a large society provided me with an ideal setting in which to gain self-confidence. My inter-personal skills were also built upon greatly, as the position required a large amount of contact with various types of people, ranging from fellow students and peers to the Masters of the University colleges.

[LiveFreeorDie]

I think that paragraph works well as you clearly spell out what you gained from the experience. I have two minor word-smithing suggestions:

My inter-personal skills were also built upon greatly,[/b]

I would suggest slightly different wording, something along the lines of "I was able to develop my inter-personal skills signficantly..."

I became able to work successfully [/b]

Perhaps something similar to:

"I was able to demonstrate the ability to work succesfully"


The above are really just preference suggestions. Good luck!!

[BigE]

Wow! T-Punks are awesome! I'll send you my resume when I need to write one.

Good luck Lauren! I have no doubt that you will get in.

[lauren313]

Aren't they just so amazing, BigE?!

Seriously, thanks so much for all your help everyone. I'm just about to submit my application, so my statement is well and truly finished. If anyone is actually interested in the final draft (I seriously doubt this!) let me know, and I'll email it to you!

Thank you again, I love all of you who helped.

Well. Maybe not love.

[DJ_VeeeNoM]

Manny= NO!
Emma= No! (It's how my gussen calls me so I rather leave it like that)

Okie, Well use Z's oh and something that might make more of a statement is how is it that you are still on the path you took, you really explain the know and what you want but not what got you interested in Psychology in the first place and what motivated you at the time.

[raoulduke]

Its really taking shape now

Make sure you let us know the outcome.

Good Luck (again)