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Old 05-04-2006, 02:47 AM   #1
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hey guys.

I'm hoping someone can give me a sorely needed kick in the ass.

I'm a Candian, and have I've been living and working in London England for the past 8 months. In that time I've met some amazing people - and now I'm not sure I want to go! The bar I work at has begged me to stay, even offered to cover the cost of my (already booked) plane ticket. I'd have a place to stay, a job with as many/few hours as I want, and I'd get to stay... I hate goodbyes. I said bye to one guy yesterday, because he's going away on vacation and I almost cried all over him. The friends that I've met here have been unbelieveable.. I usually have a lot of aquaintences, but not so many super close friends. This is one of the first places I've felt like I fit in effortlessly, and can fully be myself.

I'm planning to come back to visit for a couple of weeks in August, and then in November before I go home.. and then again in April for the London Marathon, but I know things won't be the same. How can they be? New stories happen, new people show up.. what if I have nothing to say to my old friends? What if they've replaced me? I'm scared of losing them. of losing this I don't know how i'm gonna say goodbye.

But my bags are packed, TPunkers. I've wanted to do this since before I knew what backpacking was. I cant push my trip back any more. I'm only delaying the inevitible by staying. I came here to travel - to see midsummers nights in Sweden and Oktoberfest in Germany. I came to see Seville and Talinn and Israel. I came to take pictures of everything, and meet new people, and learn more than I ever thought possible. I came for adventure.

...but I'm really, really dreading the goodbyes.

Do I stay? See London in the summer and sleep on my friend's couch and put it off a while? How do I say it? How do I get on that flight, knowing I can never fully come home?

Thanks, y'all.

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Old 05-04-2006, 03:02 AM   #2
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get your arse down to whever you have to go to say them goodbye's!

You will have such an amzing time on your travels...you really are going through the rest of europe at the best time before all the other hoardes of travellers get to the places you want to go

it's probably just a bit of nerves
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Old 05-04-2006, 03:06 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by beergal1@May 4 2006, 05:02 AM
get your arse down to whever you have to go to say them goodbye's!

You will have such an amzing time on your travels...you really are going through the rest of europe at the best time before all the other hoardes of travellers get to the places you want to go

it's probably just a bit of nerves
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I wish it were nerves, but I don't really think it is. I'm already halfway around the world, here in England. Shouldn't that have been the hard part? I just... hate goodbyes.

I've always felt like a wee bit of an outsider in my life... I can never just stick to one group of friends, I always have that chronic need to bounce around from here to there. I guess it's easier to do that at home because I know everything else is still there, waiting for me. If that makes any sense.

this leaving feels a lot more permanent, and I'm scared that once I go, I'll never fully be able to come back.

Don't get me wrong.. I know I need to go.. it's just making me kind of sad.
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Old 05-04-2006, 03:48 AM   #4
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ok well how about a compromise, the guys that were gonna pay for your ticket why not get them to pay for a ticket and meet you in one of the destinations in Europe
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Old 05-04-2006, 05:07 AM   #5
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Well... It does seem like they absolutely love you there in London... so it's more than likely that they will be thrilled to have you back once your travels finnish. I think that you should get out of London and see whatever there is to see out there in the rest of Europe. After all... if you really hate it (which I highly doubt) you know you have a couch and a job in London waiting for you (seriously, how many people can say the same?).

Think of all the things that made you leave Canada in the first place... I say go to Sweden!! (can you imagine meeting a Swedish girl and chatting all night long and have the sun never go down?? [ok, so I'm a girl and I dont know what all the fuzz is with guys and Swedish girls... I'm just trying to get your butt moving through Europe!!]). Go to Sapin and learn Spanish, go to Israel, it'll blow your mind away!! And take all those pictures you always wanted to take.

And then go back to London, and show your friends what your trip was all about. How could you have nothing to say after all that travelling??? I'm a military kid... I know firsthands that farewels are a bitch, but this time you get the chance to meet them again!! (And then go back for the Marathon?? You lucky bastard :greenguy: )
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Old 05-04-2006, 05:23 AM   #6
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Go away!!!!!

Seriously, goodbyes are shitty, but all the new "hellos" well soooo make up for it! You'll carry on your journey, meet a whole bunch of new people, and sure... when it comes to saying goodbye to the new people you meet, that'll be horrible too. But you will have created a base for you in various countries all over Europe! In the future, you'll have some wonderful people you can go back to all over again!

Sometimes it's good to have a break from the people you've gotten to know. Just imagine getting back to London after you've done the rest of your trip and being able to tell all your old friends all about it!

And as for "new stories happen, new people show up", of course they do! And that is part of the fun! New people show up... so make friends with them too! New stories happen... so join in the fun, listen to the stories and tell them all your's!

You obviously like London enough to know that you're going to go back there... if you like it that much, you'll still want to go back after the rest of your travels, and you'll probably love it even more!

Seriously, go for it. I reckon you'll kick yourself if you put off the rest of your trip.

By the way, good on you for wanting to do the marathon! I've always said I'll try and do the marathon before I'm 30. I have 9 years to train, hahaha.
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Old 05-04-2006, 06:42 AM   #7
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Saying goodbye is the hardest thing ever. I'm the worst with goodbye's. I turn into a blubbering mess...(hopefully I'll kick that soon. ) But.....you just have to keep on moving. Your dream is/was to see so many different places and countries in Europe, to experience different cultures, meet new people..etc.

All these amazing friends who have walked into your life...will always be there in your heart.
Try focusing on the "glass is half full" perspective....for example: Just think how much they've touched your life, and how much you've touched their lives. They came into your life for a reason...as will thousands of other people through the course of your life. They've probably taught you things about yourself, life, the world...whatever..that you will never forget, and you've most definitely done the same for them.

Take what you've learned, the growth you've made personally...and keep going, keep learning from the people, keep opening your heart and caring about the people you meet....those rewards will far outweigh the loss you experience in saying goodbye.

My 2 cents anyway...



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Old 05-04-2006, 07:04 AM   #8
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Move it buddy! Yea, its hard to say goodbye, but you have other places to go and those experiences will be valuable too!
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Old 05-04-2006, 07:22 AM   #9
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Being in the military and moving plenty (11 places in 12 years!) we get plenty of chances to say goodbye, and it doesn't get any easier with practice. But you don't grow if you don't take chances, and make changes, in your life. We have discovered that true friendships bloom, even when you don't see each other often - we just came back from a trip to Italy, where I saw a friend I've seen once in the past 16 years...it was like we'd seen each other the day before, no awkwardness, no guilt, just joy at seeing each other again, and catching up on all the (considerable) adventures since the previous visit... That's how it can be with your friends in London, if you have faith in them AND in yourself. The person they know and love (YOU!) was always going to be traveling on, it's part of who you are to them. But they took a risk in befriending you, knowing that you wouldn't always be in town with them. Honour that, and be true to who you really are, get back out on the road, send them postcards and email and when you go back to London, fill them in on your adventures. They'll be dying to hear all about it.

About a year ago, we had to move from Vilnius, a city with which we fell deeply in love. For me, it is the closest thing to feeling at home, since I left my real home (Vancouver) nearly 12 years ago. None of the people we'd met there were military, so they were unfamiliar with the whole "moving on" thing, and it was really tough to leave. Instead of saying something so definite as "goodbye", we chose to say, "Iki!", Lithuanian for "until", and an abbreviation of "Iki pasimatymo" - "Until the next time we see each other."

So go round to all your friends, and give them the most heartfelt "Iki!" they've ever heard.
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Old 05-04-2006, 07:59 AM   #10
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Goodbyes can be hard but you owe it to yourself to see more that is, I assume why you left Canada and planned to go around Europe? You can always keep in touch with your English friends and if things don't work out comr back?
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Old 05-04-2006, 08:04 AM   #11
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tumblezweedz is right. Don't think of this as a "goodbye", but as a "see ya later". It's the same in Polish, we say "Do zobaczenia" which roughly translates to "Till next time I see you" and it implies that there WILL in fact be a next time.

Secondly, think back to when you were about to go to England. I bet you didn't want to leave home and you were thinking that you were gonna miss you friends at home like crazy. You got through it, you made the journey, met tons of cool people and you survived! You'll do that again, I'm sure. As for your friends - they will remain your friends. Not to mention that this way you'll have an extra excuse to send them a post card from _______ and amaze them with where you are now. Besides - you will return to see them in the future.

So get a grip and start getting excited about the journey you are about to go on instead of moping around and missing your friends even before you left for good!
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Old 05-04-2006, 09:54 AM   #12
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What they all said. You'll be back, but with many, many stories.
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Old 05-04-2006, 12:03 PM   #13
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Get a move on, buddy.

If ya don't, we'll all track down cheap tickets to the UK and kick your ass. Real hard-like.
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Old 05-04-2006, 12:17 PM   #14
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nothing good ever comes out of trying to hang on to things. this life moves and you either move with it of get swept under. i'm always missing people i've gotten really close to and places and times that were really great. i could never imagine things being better... but i discovered new places, new experinces and new people that were amazing as well. you never know what's out there...isn't that the mentallity of a true nomad.

and hey, if you go on this trip...make sure you enjoy it. don't lament what's behind you...you'll just spend your life missing out on so many things by doing that.

good luck! and have fun...."the world is your oyster!"
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Old 05-04-2006, 11:46 PM   #15
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I know how you feel. I was in the same position last year, when in June after living in London for 5 months, it came time to hit the road and travel. I thought "Im having such a good time here, the weather is getting nice finally, and Im making money, why should I go?." But it simply had to be done, and I knew that.
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Old 05-05-2006, 12:13 AM   #16
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I know how you feel, too. I was there a year ago. But I had to leave, I had to get things in order here. I had a great group of friends, and it killed me to leave.

On the bright side- a year later I still talk to most of them on a regular basis, and I know our paths will cross again. My boyfriend was one of the people; we're even closer than we were in London, and I just recently got back from visiting him in Australia. Msn is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

But I know how you feel. I left and would get pics by email and whatnot and it would kind of tug at me and I would feel like I should be there. It hurts.

cant wait til I move back to london.... I miss her...
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Old 05-05-2006, 02:15 AM   #17
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Looks like we are both in the same situation except i have been here for 2 YEARS! So just imagine how hard it would be for me! I completely understand where you are coming from, I came over from Aus to experience London and Europe and while I have been here I have met and still living with the best group of people you can ask for and it will be hard for me to say goodbye to them also. BUT I know that I cant keep on staying in London as I did come for other reasons and that is to see as much of Europe that I can while I can freely do it easily from here.

I am trying to put it on the back burner but I know that I will have to say goodbye to everyone here at the end of the month, but you have made great friends who you can stay in contact with and also see again! As for me the only time I will get to see them again is when I come back to Lond to fly out to Aus
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Old 05-06-2006, 03:28 AM   #18
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Thanks, you guys. I needed to hear all that...

I said goodbye to one bloke (aw, see how Brit I am?) from my bar and we both got a bit teary eyed. I guess that's when it hit me how hard it was gonna be to leave all this behind.

I love the concept of "see ya later" (in multiple different languages, too!), and am gonna try to hold on to that. This is goodnight, but not goodbye...

It's true, too, in that things are gonna change regardless, and coming back to find that tre new people and new stories wouldn't be as bad as I think it will. I'll have new stories too.. and this is my dream, damnit. I'd be a loser if I didn't follow that.

I've decided to compromise a bit. Instead of travelling the UK for a month in August, I've asked if I can come back here to work. My boss said yeah... so if I'm still missing it this much, at least I'll have something to look forward to. I know I won't be, though, once I get out of here and start seeing the world... I might not even take him up on his offer and decide see the UK instead. I'll see how i feel a the time. I can always come back to visit.

Visit...can you ever fully go home again?

(and I'm a girl, so Swedish girls don't really do it for me. But yeah, I see your point... kickass all-night chats with some of the coolest people you can ever hope t meet)

How sweet is this: For my going away party, my boss gave everyone from work the night off (I work at a chain bar so we can get staff from other bars in to cover our shifts). We're starting out with ultimate frisbee in the park, and then having a BBQ somewhere, and then off to spend (get this!) 500 quid in gift vouchers we won for being the top selling bar in our chain for April! My flight leaves at 6 am from Stansted on Tuesday morning, and I'm gonna party right up till the end. What a sendoff... (I wonder if I can talk them in to coming all the way to the airport?!)

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Old 05-06-2006, 09:55 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by Degrassi@May 6 2006, 06:28 AM
and I'm a girl, so Swedish girls don't really do it for me.
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niiiice one florencia!!! I THOUGHT with a name like Degrassi you had to be a girl, I mean I dont really know of any guys that would watch the show, but I didn't bother to check your profile...I was actualy tempted to defend you on that one but then had to run *sorry*
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Old 05-06-2006, 10:53 AM   #20
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OMG!!! hahahaha I'm so sorry. we didnt get that show here... (I just googled it up) Hehe, oh well...

And just so you know, we girls hget the good stuff too... Scandanivian guys are G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!!! Tall, blond, lovely accent...
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